Put the Cell Phone Down

I was standin’ behind a gal in line

at the Piggly Wiggly store

while she jabbered on her cell phone

and I was learnin’ a whole lot more

about her sister Sue’s hysterectomy

than I ever wanted to know

Put the cell phone down

so I can buy my beer and go

Put the cell phone down

Put the cell phone down

Every word you say is gettin’ picked up

by every stranger standin’ ‘round

The secret lives of all you friends

are getting spread all over town

So please, please, please

Put the cell phone down

Walkin’ to my car ‘cross the parkin’ lot

I had to jump real fast

A pickup truck was commin’ straight for me

I thought I’d breathed my last

He sped on by talkin’ on his phone

Never even looked around

He’s gonna kill someone

If he don’t put that cell phone down

Put the cell phone down

Put the cell phone down

That fella you just ran over

You’re still draggin’ along the ground

You can kill yourself that’s all right by me

But don’t kill everyone around

Just please, please, please

Put the cell phone down

I got a phone call just the other day

from a distant friend of mine

While he was talkin’ I heard a toilet flush

on his end of the line

I said, “Friend, I hope what your doin’ now

isn’t why you’re callin’ me

‘cause I don’t wanna know

every time you crap or pee.”

Put the cell phone down

Put the cell phone down

Don’t call me when you’re on the John

Poopin’ in the round

You ought to drop it in the toilet

and just let that damn phone drown

Won’t you please, please, please

Put the cell phone down

(one more time)

Put the cell phone down

Put the cell phone down

I know you think you’re Mister Bigshot

The most important man around

To everyone you’re just another

Cell phone totin’ clown

So, just please, please, please

Won’t ya please, please, please

This is the last time I’ll say please

Put the cell phone down